"I miss you, I can only wish you were here..."

Those words were the highlight of our conversations.

"...I know I promised, yes I promise you, but what if I just broke the promise? Would you forgive me? This time I just need you to understand me. I need you to read through my thoughts. I would choose you over anyone, but now I would rather choose myself because I'm losing it. Everyone looks like a perfect option for me. Don't get mad at me for not waiting. I don't know if my waiting is worth it. Get yourself a replacement. I'd like to move on from here..."

I was not done writing my email when my phone beeped.

"Are you up for a drink?"

"Yes, please," I replied.

"I'm coming to pick you up by 7 pm."

Today is that day I said to myself, "no turning back". While waiting for 7 pm, I was going wide on my thoughts. As we drove out, he turned on the radio.

🎼I miss you
Kokoro ife mi, ibo lo wa o
Ara mi wa lona, bo wa le
Ololufe fife re yi le aiye mi pada o
Loneliness has been with me all day,
Ojo ife, ro le mi o
Ara mi wa lona o
Ojo life, ro le mi o
Ara mi wa lona o
It was a silent night
Find someone to love
Maybe someday I will find my own...
( A song by Gabriel Afolayan )

"Could you please turn down the radio?" I asked. There was so much silence in the car as I looked through the window, gazing at the star, and the song kept ringing in my mind.

We got to the spot where I had a few bottles. Smiling and enjoying the moment, I was already tipsy. I looked at him and said,

"You know what? You know what I want to do to you right now?"

As I held his face closer, I burst into uncontrollable tears. I kept crying as he was confused if he had done something to me.

Let's pause a bit.

One evening in May, it was so chilly and it would be termed weather for two. I thought of my boyfriend, but I was not brave enough to call. I kept looking at the phone, wishing it rang.

"Ring ring", I picked up,

"Hello handsome."

"Hi beautiful, how are you today? Are you free? Would you like me to make you dinner?"

I screamed, like someone who just won a lotto.

I got to his place, and dinner was ready as I rushed to wash my hands. There were many things I liked about Ayo, but the fact that he knew how to cook was top-tier for me. As I ate my meal, teasing him,

"Are you sure I'm not going to marry you soon?"

"So, it's because of food you want to marry me?"

"Yes, it's part of my list," I answered.

"But this meal is so delicious, go ahead and finish your food, Foodie."

I was almost finishing my meal when he called my name,

"Please forgive me."

"What have you done?" I asked, with my heart racing faster already.

"Please forgive me," he said again.

This time, I dropped my spoon. "Okay, talk to me."

"My father wants me to leave for the US to get my PhD in cardiovascular medicine."

"Wow, that's great! You almost scared me to death. How long will you be gone?"

"4 years, at most 5 years."

"Oh, that's very fine. I'm super proud and happy for you. I know that's not the reaction you are expecting, but I'm cool. I'm happy for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ayo, very sure," I answered.

As I took the last spoon of food, I had my head on his lap while he stroked my hair.

"Promise me, wura, please promise you would wait for me."

That was the funniest thing I heard from him that evening.

"You do know how old I am, right? Please add your 5 years to it, and you want me to wait, be hopeless for 5 freaking years? Ayo, I love you, but 5 fucking years is too much."

His eyes were wet, and I yelled at him,

"Don't cry! Don't do that! You are about to break me completely."

I felt life was cruel to me. I didn't even trust myself that much, but I promised to wait. I promised to wait for Ayo.

The nights became colder as he left. I craved physical touch as he was gone. Pictures, texts, words of affirmation, and the famous "I love you" and "I missed you dearly" were no longer enough to keep me.

Plenty of wedding invitations and people asking when I'm having mine. The beautiful children I see around, those that had to remind me of my age constantly and how time was not on my side. Those handsome men that ask me out and are ready to do...
anything so I can be by their side forever, and me looking at the sky and wishing I could fly, not to talk of the constant doubt and fear of him not coming after waiting.

What if he found love while I'm waiting for him, my lover.
But I promised to wait, I promised Ayo.
He promised he is going spend his life with me,
Why do I have to wait for my love?
I would want to tag this fiction, but it's me yelling.

This was why I was crying when Mike took me out for a drink 🍺, I wanted to break my promise but I could not. I can't because I do love him dearly.

"Another yuletide Christmas is coming soon and No matching outfit for me again. I promised to wait, and the wait is almost over."

That mail remains unsent.
As I choose to wait for him.